Tag: knowledge
share my knowledge
by Bag For on Jul.22, 2009, under handbag
I admit to having a fetishistic love of handbags that would probably require years of psychoanalysis to be rid of. But given that I know a lot on the subject, I might as well share my knowledge with anyone interested:
1) A handbag shouldn’t be too big. Most people, barring the Amazonian supermodel, look ridiculous with very large handbags. Even a bag of the best variety, if too large, will make you look like a bag lady seeking a street corner in which to curl up for the night.
2) It shouldn’t be too small. There’s nothing more déclassé than a purse that’s been overstuffed. It’s like a tight dress that shows all the bulges.
3) It shouldn’t be too heavy. Given the cargo, one doesn’t want to turn the thing into a barbell or hasten the development of a dowager’s hump.
4) It shouldn’t be too light. Those light-weight knitted bags, when filled with the necessary items, will make you look like Santa with his bag of toys.
5) It should be reasonably stylish. A dowdy handbag, like a bad haircut, can add 10 years to your age.
6) It shouldn’t be too trendy. In my 20s I made the mistake of buying bags that were “cute” — i.e. for a fleeting moment in time they looked cool, only to recede into looking stupid a week or two later. Anything made out of blue jean material or with words written in French should be avoided.
7) It shouldn’t be too expensive. An expensive bag is fine if you’re going to remain faithful to it for years. But most women are like me — they crave change. Since it’s better to be fickle about handbags than husbands, I recommend confining yourself to Marshall’s and the reduced bin at Loehmann’s.
It shouldn’t be too cheap. The faux-leather bag may look good on the rack, but the pungent plastic odor and stubborn refusal to wear out will get on your nerves.
9) It should have at least two compartments, for cell phone and reading glasses. This is a stipulation that wouldn’t have occurred to me a decade ago, when I didn’t have a cell phone and didn’t need reading glasses. Compartments are also the kind of simple innovations, like cup-holders in cars, that weren’t necessary until someone thought them up. A few weeks ago, when I couldn’t sleep, I saw an infomercial for a pocketbook insert with compartments for everything you might need. The idea was a good one, but the actual item (which the infomercial promised would fit into a handbag of any size) seemed dubious. If readers have tried this insert and can vouch for it, please e-mail me.